The Traitors has kicked off its first ever celebrity series, and the game has officially begun with three famous faces taking on the murderous title role.
But we can’t help feeling that the wrong traitors have been chosen. There are traitors who shouldn't be, and faithfuls who deserve a spot in the tower. Hear us out!
From the word go, Celia Imrie proclaimed that she is “here to win,” and noted that she'd need to be ruthless in order to do so. Chatting to host Claudia Winkleman, the acting legend even revealed that she’s not as nice as people think – a declaration we’re not likely to forget in a hurry.
So, when Celia was later made a faithful, it felt like a massive missed opportunity.
We were so close to uncovering that promised naughtier side to Celia close up, and could already envision her unveiling her hood to greet her teammates with glee and determination.
Having already shared some gems about what she’s capable of, there’s no doubt in our minds that Celia has what it takes to put her words into action and go the distance as a champion traitor.
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But, with a competitive streak and her game face firmly on, alongside her fabulous side-eye as she openly acknowledged that everyone might be lying, there has to be hope for an eventual recruitment to the dark side as the series goes on.
In the meantime, Celia immediately got to work as a budding detective to rival her The Thursday Murder Club alter ego Joyce, ready to suss out the actual traitors – even if she failed to spot that Nick Mohammed’s early offer of help was merely down to admiration, rather than any kind of strategy.
Cloaked up in Celia’s stead was Alan Carr, who has already hilariously confessed that he’s terrible at keeping secrets and therefore gave us permission to conclude that he’ll make a terrible traitor.
Don’t get us wrong, though, he stole the show in his efforts to commit the first murder in plain sight, leaving us with a cliffhanger we can’t wait to get back to.
Left with little choice after being put in charge of the fatal face-touching by fellow traitors Cat Burns and Jonathan Ross, poor Alan was under immense pressure, just moments after he was called out for discussing the task a little too loudly in the communal rooms (don’t worry, Alan, we’ve all done it, just never when a hefty cash prize depends on it!)
It was peak entertainment, so well worth giving Alan the role; and for laughs that we may not have had the chance to see if he were a faithful.
Jonathan, however, hasn’t yet brought much to proceedings other than a pep talk and some welcome one-liners. Having been happy to delegate to Alan, he’s not made a very pro-active traitor so far.
Given that we haven’t yet seen much of Jonathan in said duties, though, we’re of course prepared to be proved wrong.
While Cat, too, was all for handing the reins to Alan, she’s definitely got the ideal cool, calculating attitude to go all the way, much like series two winner Harry Clark.
But the group needs more than one strong player, and we know who else we would have bet on. Had we been privy to the selection process, we’d have had Joe Wilkinson join our number one choice Celia, creating the trio we never knew we needed to balance out Cat’s cooler approach.
Although Joe’s wish to be a traitor boiled down only to an on-brand desire to “see the turret”, he has the perfect, deadpan demeanour to pull off the treachery required, in direct contrast to Celia’s piercing gaze, which is just as capable of throwing the others off the scent.
Joe would absolutely nail the faithful "act", or even better, lead his co-stars deliciously down the garden path as they struggle to read his motivations in the game.
And Paloma Faith may have expressed interest in being a faithful and a traitor in equal measure, but her delightful reference to trying a taste of evil for a change really shone through.
We couldn’t imagine anyone focusing on the bubbly, warm Paloma as a potential traitor, and that’s exactly why she’d have made a brilliant one. Her interest in sniffing out the baddies was evident, so she’s clearly got the stamina to aim for the end goal either way.
As The Celebrity Traitors continues, we’re rooting for Alan’s deadly, surely disaster-ridden task; but should it all go wrong for him, the campaign to put Celia in the hotseat starts here.
Celebrity Traitors is on BBC1 on Wednesdays and Thursdays. You can also catch up on BBC iPlayer.
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