Note: The following articles contains discussion of miscarriage that some readers may find upsetting.
Neighbours actress Sharon Johal has opened up about suffering a tragic miscarriage last year.
In a lengthy piece for Australia's Mamamia, the Dipi Rebecchi actress talked about having to work even longer days on the set of the soap because of COVID restrictions, while reiterating her recent claims of a "toxic" environment and racist incidents on set, as well as detailing her husband being made unexpectedly redundant at the same time.
She revealed that she 'blames herself' for a culmination of different stresses and lifestyle decisions which she believes may have played a part.
"Like many women before me, and perhaps as women generally do, I went through a vicious and incredibly cruel cycle of blaming myself," she said. "I kept telling myself I was working too hard, I wasn't sleeping, I was dealing with extraordinary work stress, I wasn't eating the right things, I couldn't negate the negativity in my life... and I should've done more."
Johal goes into very specific details about the pain she felt on multiple instances, explaining how she started bleeding whilst on set and a doctor bluntly told her she had likely miscarried.
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She and her husband then went to see another professional and she was told that she had not before being sent home. However, shortly after that she suffered intense contractions and eventually passed out from sheer exhaustion. An emergency doctor then sadly confirmed that she could not see the baby on the ultrasound.
"I wanted to meet the baby so badly, and say sorry – sorry that I couldn't nurture a safe space for them to grow. To say sorry that mummy couldn't protect you. And that I hoped we could meet once again. I wanted to tell them that I would always hold a deep place in my heart for them, reserved only for them, that could never be replaced or forgotten. That I loved them."
The actress recalls returning to the set and trying to keep it a secret, leading to her crying alone in the toilets, especially when she was witnessing scenes when another character miscarried.
At the end of her piece, Johal shared: "I realise that maybe... I felt uncomfortable and tortured talking about it. Other women have likely felt the same way, in isolation, so it's important that I'm here, as painful and private as it is, sharing this with you. I want to preach what I have not been able to practice."
Neighbours airs weekdays at 1.45pm and 5.30pm on Channel 5 (UK) and Mondays to Thursdays at 6.30pm on 10 Peach (Australia).
Sands supports anyone affected by the death of a baby. You can contact the Sands National Helpline on 0808 164 3332, or email helpline@sands.org.uk.
