Chrissy Metz, who plays Kate on the NBC drama This Is Us, is now the star of a massive hit show. But on the way to success, the actress had to deal with a painful childhood – and a rough journey towards accepting her body.

Metz opened up about learning to love herself in a new interview with People, and in her new memoir This Is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today.

Metz told the magazine that she started noticing her body was different in the fifth grade, when she entered puberty. She was at the receiving end of a lot of teasing, which affected her emotionally.

"I started to soothe myself with what was readily available, which was food," she told People. "I'm going to stuff my feelings so I don't have to think about it."

She writes in her memoir that a relationship with a boy contributed to her self-esteem issues. Her first kiss was with a boy named Derek, her friend's brother. "Let me tell you, my first kiss with Derek was – to this day! – one of the most amazing kisses, if not the best of my life," she wrote.

But then, Metz writes, Derek would ignore her in public, ashamed to be seen with her. "If I got too comfortable around him in front of our friends – meaning I said, 'Hi, Derek' – he curled that perfect upper lip and looked away, exhaling in disbelief and disgust.

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"The night before, he'd kissed me and told me I was beautiful."

But now, Metz said she's learned to love her body just as it is. And that was difficult in Hollywood.

"I've heard a lot of things [at castings]," she told People. "One was like, 'You're too pretty to play the big girl'. What does that mean? God forbid anybody bigger than a size zero could be attractive."

In the end, Metz said, she learned it's what's inside that counts. "I don't focus on numbers," she said. "It's all about how I feel."

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