By Bear Grylls is having a bit of a moment. Not only has he been off running around the Alaskan wilderness with someone called Barack Obama, but it's just emerged that he made £3.3m last year from his merchandise (you can buy everything from Bear Grylls knives to protein shakes to parachutes, apparently).
Now he's gone and said that he wants to be the new David Attenborough - except with more pee-drinking, presumably. And that's the rub: Bear Grylls does loads of really, really disgusting things...
What to Read Next
1. He gave himself an enema
"There is a way of using it to gain life-giving fluids, but only as a last resort: I'm going to give myself an enema." Bear, love, you're on television - that does not count as a 'last resort'. And also we really don't want to watch you sticking a pipe up your bum. As he grimaced and popped the tube where the sun don't shine, the intrepid explorer explained: "You bypass the gag reflex, rehydrating your body without the risk of vomiting." We beg to differ - someone pass us a bucket.
2. He said he would eat a human
His exact words, back in February, were: "I wouldn't think twice about it if I had to." At least he's selfless, though: "If it was one of my sons and I, left in the jungle, I'd insist he ate me." Boak.
3. He made a whole bunch of celebrities drink their own pee
Mission Survive earlier this year saw Bear deciding to get celebs like Emilia Fox, Jamelia, Kelly Holmes and Mike Tindall knocking back their own urine - although they were at least given the luxury of boiling it first. Cue retching and spewing all over the place: and that was just in our living room.
4. He took the pee preoccupation to a whole new level with Michelle Rodriguez
The Fast & Furious star must have been relieved that she didn't have to drink her own urine... until she discovered that she had to eat a mouse stewed in it instead. "We'd better not let the broth go to waste," Bear said brightly afterwards, honking down Michelle's tepid wee. Is this what he's going to make President Obama do? To be fair, even Bear was disgusted by this one: "There's something about drinking someone else's..."
5. Since urine's not enough, he actually found a way to drink poo
This YouTube video is called "Bear drinks elephant dung juice" and now we don't think we want to exist in this world anymore. (This is something else Bear described as "a real last resort". Come on, man.)
6. He turned a dead seal into a wetsuit
There's not enough 'no' in the world. Bear has form, mind, as he also used a dead sheep as a sleeping bag. Cosy.
7. He gutted a camel so he could sleep inside it
And you thought the sheeping bag was bad? Bless. Bear also has experience of completely gutting a camel and then dragging the entrails a reasonable distance away so he can have a good night's sleep inside. Seriously, if someone doesn't get that bucket soon we're going to have a serious issue here. And, of course, he's drunk camel poo as well, because why the hell not?
8. He hid his wife's engagement ring in between his bum cheeks.
Speaking about his proposal on Piers Morgan's Life Stories, he revealed: "I was swimming with no clothes on. I pulled out the ring from my butt cheeks." At least this one has a happy ending: she said yes!
Now, if you'll excuse us, we need a nice lie down and a cup of tea.
