When the Fifty Shades Darker trailer debuted on Tuesday, you probably spent all your time focusing on Jamie Dornan's back muscles. That wasn't a mistake, because Jamie Dornan's back muscles are never a mistake, but his lats may have distracted you from a lot of other important moments in the trailer.
Don't worry: His back muscles will still be there for you after this deep dive.
1. The ridiculously titled books published by Seattle Independent Press
Dodging the Blows is right on the money with respect to Christian's sexual preferences, but what in the world is The Last Typist?
2. This dossier Christian has on Ana
She has $683.16 in her bank account, in case you were wondering. Also, her political affiliation is listed as "none found," which must mean that she's never voted in her life.
3. Kim Basinger!
Elena, the woman who taught Christian everything he knows about BDSM, is a major antagonist in the books, but here only appears for a second (and part of that time is spent behind a creepy mask). Get ready for her to cause some drama.
4. Jack Hyde, Ana's disgusting boss
He's in the trailer longer than Elena, but if you haven't read the books, you might have found yourself wondering who this guy is and why he's acting like such a creep to Ana. Spoiler alert: Christian is not a fan.
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5. Whatever this teddy bear poster at the masquerade ball is
This is probably a poster for the charity that will get proceeds from the ball, but for now just pretend it's a bizarre artwork the Greys are auctioning off.
6. Christian's pommel horse
Does he actually use this to work out, or is he just keeping it around for those times when Danell Levya comes over?
7. Ana's portrait
Taken by José, her friend who just won't accept that she's just not that into him. Christian has a boat and a helicopter, buddy. You never had a chance.
8. Rita Ora!
She really is in the trailer, right there in that family portrait. Here's hoping Mia will offer her thoughts on The Last Typist ASAP.
9. This hideous painting in the bathroom
I know it's hard to focus on with that shower sex happening just to the right of it, but seriously, what is this? It looks like it belongs on the wall of a restaurant you've never actually been inside of because you only get delivery from it when you're hungover.
10. This casual head sculpture in Christian's office
It's not just his sexual tastes that are singular.
11. This sad jewellery tree in Ana's bedroom
Maybe Christian will upgrade her to a real jewellery box now that he's buying her real diamonds.
12. The sign in Ana's kitchen that says "STOP MOVING"
Maybe it also says "DON'T" and it's just cut out of the frame, but it's a lot more fun to imagine that Ana is so high-strung that she needs a kitchen sign to remind her to breathe.
13. The UFC posters in Christian's childhood bedroom
It could be worse. It could be Scarface.
14. Christian's body man, Taylor
He's everywhere!
No, really, everywhere.
Someone please give this man a raise.
I’m the senior entertainment editor at Cosmopolitan.com, which means my DVR is always 98 percent full. I love romance novels, bourbon, and canceling plans so I can watch Lost for the 50th time.
