The BBC's World Cup coverage launched in full over the weekend and despite having approximately 456 pundits flown out to Brazil, somebody, somewhere thought it was a smart idea to give Phil Neville his first big co-commentary gig in the England v Italy game.
Don't worry, Phil, there's only 15 million people watching. Nobody will notice if you get off to a shaky start. Oh, hang on.
Barely registering above a whisper, Neville sounded like he'd come straight off the set of Jamaica Inn. Throw in a staccato presentation manner, which meant that he barely broke into sentences longer than half a dozen lines long (Was he actually being really smart and speaking in Haikus?), and you've got a recipe for one the most simultaneously snooze-inducing and ear-scratchily irritating pieces of commentary ever broadcast.
Best described on Twitter as, "If a Wild Bean Cafe pasty could talk…", it was that rarest of nights in football. An evening where Andy Townsend suddenly doesn't seem like the worst option in the commentary box.
On a one-man mission to make the nation forget Phil Neville's mumblings on Sunday night was Jonathan Pearce. Usually he's an exuberant and entertaining commentator - one of the BBC's best. But after a goal-line technology incident in the France v Honduras game last night, Pearce has become a bit of a laughing stock.
Unable to grasp the reasonably simple concept that the goal line-technology was testing two different moments (one where it didn't cross the line, one where it did), Pearce bubbled and frothed with outrage. For a man with a history of working on Robot Wars, he appeared to have plenty of disdain for this modern new-fangled technology malarky.
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"Which replay are we supposed to believe?" he barked. "It's not good enough, is it?" he grumbled, long after the incident had passed. He even managed to bring a brilliantly British approach to the incident, pointing out that the goal line technology has been designed by a German company. All we were missing was a mention of 1966 and the war and we'd have had a full house at punditry bingo.
Pundit Watch: Chiles and ITV get a frosty reception in red hot Brazil
Pearce's bungling was so bad it managed to distract Twitter from Robbie Savage's skin-tight, Simon Cowell-esque high-waist trousers in the studio. Quite the achievement We all saw Savage on Strictly Come Dancing, but these were some glitterballs that nobody needed to see.
Hopefully somebody has sat Jonathan Pearce down and they are explaining a few things to him. Slowly... pic.twitter.com/EomdMtAr1j
— The Media Blog (@TheMediaTweets) June 15, 2014
ITV, typically the source for most amusement when it comes to blundering commentary, must have been chuckling away to themselves in Pundit Watch: Chiles and ITV get a frosty reception in red hot Brazil.
Thankfully for the BBC, there was one part of the BBC coverage that has had a positive response. His name? Thierry Henry.
From his fetching cardigan during the England game, to his disdainful responses to the occasionally mundane line of questioning, the Frenchman offered intelligent comment, insight and humour. He wasn't bad on the eyes either, if you're interested in that sort of thing.
Fair play to Gary Lineker as well, who after watching a clip of England's Glen Johnson getting away with a handball, had the balls to ask Henry: "Did you ever get away with a handball, Thierry?"A genuinely funny moment for the right reasons - unless you come from Ireland.
