Someone fetch a cake and a load of candles, Windows just hit the big 3-0 and we need to get the party started before the inevitable mid-life wobbles kick in.
On November 20, 1985, Mircosoft's Bill Gates and co. birthed a new dawn in personal computing, one that was more accessible to the masses. 30 years and countless releases later, here's a potted history of the many ups and downs Microsoft's major Windows launches have triumphed and suffered through.
Windows 1
It might look alien to us modern tech users, but in its day, this was the bomb – just look at that snazzy clock graphic! The starting point for current home computing, Windows 1 ran over MS-DOS and relied heavily on the use of a mouse in a time when the peripheral wasn't a common accessory.
To get people familiar with the new point and click input options, the first incarnation of Windows included a game - Reversi - to get users to step away from the keyboard. What's more, in an era when personal computers were few and far between, Windows 1 had shifted 500,000 copies by 1987 when it was replaced by…
Windows 2
What to Read Next
Looks pretty familiar, right? Well, it was. Windows 2 wasn't a massive overhaul on Microsoft's early work, but it did, however, add a number of key updates and refinements. Perhaps most notably, Microsoft Word and Excel made their first appearance, transforming the days of the office worker for all time.
Elsewhere, the control panel - a collection of settings and configuration options that still remains today - landed and programme windows were handed the ability to overlap each other. The now familiar minimise and maximise toggles were also introduced - oh the luxury.
Windows 3
Just a couple of decades after TVs got in on the action, in 1990 Windows got colour friendly with the arrival of version 3.0. Support for 256 hues gave it a more modern feel as the system became the first to require computers to feature a hard drive in order to run.
Coming pre-installed on machines from a number of leading manufacturers, Windows 3 saw the system become a true challenger to Apple's Macintosh lines. It's also the cause of billions of lost work hours with Solitaire and, later in Windows 3.1, Minesweeper introduced to the fold.
Windows 95
9.5 surprising facts about Windows 95
Things just got real - but you'll never guess when this Windows incarnation landed. OK, maybe you will, but in August 1995 personal computing changed again. The first seismic shift in the Windows world saw 32-bit environments introduced, a new, more graphical interface added, and the dawn of the beloved 'Start' button.
This was also the time that the internet started to become a thing for more than the mere spattering of hardcore nerds, as Internet Explorer made its first appearance - as part of an add-on pack. This thing also got the backing of a couple of Friends, with Jennifer Aniston and Matthew Perry hosting the system's walk through guide.
Windows 98
OK, so the internet's not a fad. It was time then for Windows to throw in a few more online-friendly features when Windows 98 touched down in, yep, you guessed it, 1998. June to be precise. Included in this new world of online users was Internet Explorer 4 and many people's first taste of email - Outlook Express.
Offline, increased hardware and accessory support grew thanks to the Windows Driver Model. This helped give the humble USB port its big break, with all manner of peripherals gaining improved widespread compatibility.
Windows ME / Windows 2000
While Windows Millennium Edition targeted general consumers, Windows 2000 went after suits in offices. Both, however, touched down at the turn of the millennium and neither managed to ingrain itself as a classic of the Windows history.
ME was the last Windows system to be based on MS-DOS but was plagued by bugs. It added Autocomplete in Windows Explorer and Windows Movie Maker debuted. Happily, despite issues elsewhere, neither had succumbed to the threat of the Millennium Bug - phew.
Windows XP
A platform many still hold fond memories of, Windows XP is arguably the best, most complete and well-rounded operating system to have come out of Microsoft's Redmond campus. Released in October 2001, these claims of grandeur are backed up by the fact it took six years for XP to be replaced and 13 years before the software was eventually canned.
Despite letting users burn CDs for the first time (remember that?) and offering support for visually superior LCD displays, this wasn't an OS that was all sunshine and lollipops. There were a few security loopholes - such as a firewall that was turned off as default - that caused some issues for users and much delight for hackers.
Windows Vista
Seriously, guys, what happened? After the high point of XP, Vista introduced a serious low point in the Windows era. Launched in January 2007, Vista was buggy, slow and filled with infuriating app permissions that resulted in many users simply clicking accept in order to get the bloody things to disappear - hardly secure.
It was pretty, but in a confusing, hardly worth the hassle sort of way. New transparent elements were introduced and Microsoft over-engineered the multiple ways users could skip between open programmes - seriously how many ways do there need to be? The result was a platform that was clunky on new hardware and almost impossibly slow on older machines.
Windows 7
Ah, finally some stability. Arguably what Vista should have been – seriously, Microsoft, what happened there? – Windows 7 brought a renewed sense of calm and familiarity to users' machines. It cleaned up the look, cut out the clutter and was a strong follow-on to XP - via a slight detour we, and Microsoft, would prefer to forget.
Windows 7 was so positive that many skipped the dreadful Vista altogether, and those who didn't quickly regretted their decision. With the platform coming to all manner of new devices, including those with touchscreens, handwriting recognition also made an appearance, but six years later, we know how unreliable these technologies can still be.
Windows 8
'What do you mean there's no Start button?' – Windows 8 introduced a radical design overhaul – the biggest in the Windows era – and one that didn't go down too well with everyone. Designed to work seamlessly across both PCs and those new fangled things called tablets, its look and feel prioritised the latter while making the former slightly clunky and infuriating to navigate.
The tile-based interface was easy on the eye, but not the most friendly to navigate. It came to life with Microsoft's own hardware efforts - including the Surface Pro - but struggled to capture consumers and business users when on more traditional hardware.
Windows 10
Wait. What happened to Windows 9? Unveiled earlier this year, Windows 10 highlighted Microsoft's inability to count but its phoenix-like skills at rising from the ashes. After the panning it received for Windows 8, this is the operating system that's put things back on track for the PC specialist.
The 'Start' menu is back (huzzah) and there's a new intuitiveness to the software. Users can switch between tile and more traditional views dependant on their machine of choice. Windows 10 also crosses all platforms with pleasing uniformity. From desktop to tablet via smartphones and your Xbox One, it works seamlessly.
Here's to another 30 years of Windows, just please, no more Vista repeats, yeah.
