Today's the first day of what will surely go down in history as the greatest New York Comic-Con that has ever taken place.
Why? Because this year's event features the sale of Golden Girls action figures, and literally nothing has ever been, or will ever be, more important than that.
You didn't know that a fully posable set of Dorothy, Rose, Blanche and Sophia was what you needed in your life... but it is.
Crowds are already lining up outside the Javits Center in NYC - and we can only presume it's for the sole purpose of getting their hands on these sweet, sweet toys.
Literally *no* toy has ever mattered this much. Why did we waste so much of human history playing with He-Man? Is He-Man capable of a devastating zinger or a saucy double entendre? No, he is not. How are you gonna be Master of the Universe when you can't even master witty banter?
Ugh. Stop.
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He-Man is definitely that person who calls himself "a total Dorothy" when everyone else is like, "please, you're barely a Michael Zbornak." And then He-Man is like, "Who is Michael Zbornak?" And then his friends are like, "OMG, Heem! Michael was Dorothy's itinerant musician son. Don't you know anything?"
It's a whole big thing.
Anyway, you'll never play that scene out 60 times in one weekend with He-Man action figures again, because these Golden Girls action figures are all that exist in the toy world.
Honestly, we don't understand why it took until 2016 for us to get these. But you know what they say:
We're *so* excited about this. Or, as they say in St. Olaf, "Helgenbargenflergenflurfennerfen!"
Everything about these toys is great.
Behold, Dorothy's shoulder pad ministry and the severe length of her skirt! We're especially here for her withering expression! Have *you* ever been shaded by an action figure? You don't even need Elf on the Shelf this year. Just put out "Dorothy Who Ain't Having It" and watch your kids fall in line.
We're also here for Blanche's saucy romper! We haven't seen action figures with a fashion game this strong since we bought the entire line of Star Trek: The Next Generation action figures.
It doesn't matter what anyone says - Tasha Yar was *the* most important style icon of the '90s.
We were super satisfied with the last Toy Story movie (read: emotionally devastated; totes broken) but now that these Golden Girls figurines are out, we can't wait for another sequel. Can you imagine Sophia dressing down Buzz Lightyear? Or the meeting of the minds between Rose and the claw-worshipping Aliens?
Dear Pixar, please make this happen.
Truth be told, a movie is probably the closest most of us would get to the Golden Girls action figures. Toymaker Funko is currently only making them available at New York Comic-Con. Hence the long lines, riots, screaming in the streets, etc.
Funko has also released some new Batman products in their Pop! line. Among them, Rainbow Batman:
Okay, you totally need this toy. Like, right now.
Fine. That was a bit dramatic. But so is this toy from RuPaul's Dark Knight Race! We're all about making bold choices, but you do have to wonder how good this ensemble is at keeping Batman incognito.
Random thief: "I think Batman is lurking in the shadows."
Random other thief who is near-sighted: "Where?"
Random thief: "Uh. There."
Batman:
This Batman came to slay! This Batman is like, "Riddle me this: how you gonna act like you can't see me? Do you know how long it took Alfred to put all these sequins on?! We broke three hot glue guns! And for what? To be disrespected by criminals? Ugh, you all are trying me right now. I can't. Turn off that Bat Signal. I'm out. Don't call me. Lose my number. Bye."
