No entrance to the Love Island villa is complete without producers, hidden behind foliage, whacking on the slow-motion to give us a good look at the next inmate. Paramount+'s new Dating Naked has a similar slow-mo entrance, but here contestants unbutton, unzip and shimmy out of every bit of clothing they've got on, so we can get a really good look.
Despite promo that used carefully positioned signage and liberal pixelation, there is uncensored nudity every which way here. The gals have cascading locks, which go some way to concealing their top halves, but aside from that it's front-to-back nakedness. Except for a chunky turquoise necklace to help stay miked up.
This cocktail of Love Island meets Naked Attraction is hosted by certified national treasure – and the only one with a stitch on him – Rylan Clark. Naturally, he kicks things off with a gag about being overdressed. His voiceover commentary is soft-voiced, soothing and doesn't punch down on the stark-naked contestants. It's more Bake Off than Iain Stirling.
What to Read Next
If it weren’t for the nakedness of it all, this would be enough of a Love Island knock-off to leave you wondering how Paramount+ legally got away with it. A bit like the sensation you get wandering the aisles of *certain supermarkets*.
Instead of islanders, they're daters. In place of the fire pit, there's a dumping ground (CBBC may take issue with that one). The morning workouts get under way, but the lads have a giggle as their penises touch the ground with each press-up.
It does take some getting used to. The confessionals in particular are a bit like jump scares. While the women sit demurely cross-legged, long mermaid hair cascading and nearby throw pillows tactically placed, the men man-spread under the fluorescent lights like they’re readying themselves for a testicular exam.
But the nakedness can also be hilarious. As the girls get dolled up one night in their dressing room – a much speedier affair without having to mix and match clothes – they muse on what exactly the boys might be doing to get ready. Like cinema, we smash cut to said boys leaping around their bedroom helicoptering their penises.
Like Love Island, the dates are hilariously low rent: popping balloons of confetti, drinking funky-coloured cocktails from plastic glasses. The high point is a Lady Godiva-style horseback ridie where the daters top and tail with helmets and shoes but nothing between. A fully clothed Spanish horse wrangler looks on with the ghost of a wry smile.
The Dating Naked villa is perhaps an upgrade from the Majorcan iteration, overlooking miles of aquamarine ocean instead of parcelled farmland, presumably so the storylines aren't spoiled for the neighbours. Instead of a text message broadcast, there's something called Radio Rylan, which comes to static life to deliver missives.
Some of the beats are depressingly familiar, despite the bits and pieces on show. The men swarm around thin, blonde, white Lauren like she's fresh chum, while Vegas dancer Chrislove, the sole Black woman on the show, is the only lass with no prospects two episodes in. We can't rid ourselves of this dark side of dating quite as easily as the underwear, because it isn't just a TV issue so much as a real-world issue that TV brings to light.
The refreshing mix of body types are a point in the show's favour and come with some frank admissions about insecurities. Before entering the cliffside seat, more than one of the men express fears about having the smallest penis in there. "I’m a grower not a show-er," says Romeo, whose dad is a pastor. He also ruminates on how Adam and Eve found love in the nude.
With that in mind, does being naked add anything to the whole mating and dating game? The contestants say a clothes-down approach will make it more open and "vulnerable", but from the two episodes available to review, that's claptrap.
What it does do is strip back any lingering pretence the singletons are initially drawn to anything deeper than the epidermis. It's not just that personal trainer Dan is asked what his type is and provides the slim definition of "nice eyebrows, eyelashes, incredible lips," but that the first bombshell is deemed a threat to the existing gals because she has a "great body, great bum", which they're immediately privy to.
This is where it starts to feel like Naked Attraction, where prospects are picked from the line-up like cuts of meat under the butcher's counter. When the facts of someone's physicality are so much more apparent, perhaps it's harder to pretend you like one person over another because of a "better connection".
On the flipside, when relations become emotionally raw, the nakedness doesn't help in what is already a sensitive and exposing reality-show situation. When no-nonsense Emily is stung and wants to have it out with builder Billy, she retreats under the covers of their bed to talk. A disclaimer does assure us the daters have psychological support as well as – crucially – "strong" hygiene protocols.
This is all said with the acknowledgement that Dating Naked is bonkers but extremely watchable. It's hard to think where reality TV might take us next in the pursuit of something we haven't seen. Perhaps contestants will have to swallow the cameras.
Dating Naked is available to stream on Paramount+.
You Might Like...
Previously Deputy TV Editor at Digital Spy and, before that, a TV Reporter at The Mirror, Rebecca can now be found crafting expert analysis of the TV landscape, when she's not talking on the BBC or Times Radio about everything from the latest season of Bridgerton or The White Lotus to whatever chaos is unfolding in the various Love Island villas. When she's not bingeing a boxset, in-the-wild sightings of Rebecca have included stints on the National TV Awards and BAFTAs red carpets, and post-match video explainers of the reality TV we're all watching.
