Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway isn't original, isn't clever and isn't always that funny. However, it's a hefty improvement on ITV's recent Saturday night output - Splash!, everything with Keith Lemon - and luckily for Ant & Dec it's a million miles away from Red Or Black.
Over 7 million tuned in for the first episode last week. The simple format of celebrity guests, silly challenges, pranks and a shrieking studio audience hasn't been tweaked or altered during the show's three-year hiatus. It's still Noel's House Party but without Mr Blobby and an irritating bloke with a beard.
The boys have a new feature that involves humiliating a member of the audience by raking through their embarrassing Twitter updates, but that was the closest Takeaway came to a nod to modernity. Cosier than a cup of hot chocolate, a sheepskin rug and a blanket, Ant & Dec's enduring appeal stems from their ability to play on the familiar, trade on their ordinariness and an endless string of gags about one having a big forehead and one being a bit small.
A spoof Apprentice skit to find the 'new Little Ant & Dec' tickled me, while getting X Factor's Louis Walsh to walk around his house in a crown declaring himself "the real King of Pop" was genuinely hilarious.
The biggest flaw with the episode was the interaction with the special guests. David Walliams, Robbie Williams and Pussycat Doll Ashley Roberts should have all been the perfect fit for the show, but sloppy and lazy writing meant that they were never properly utilised and the guests felt like a wasted pay cheque.
After the PR disaster that was Red or Black?, their rather ludicrous run of NTA wins and their association with the Dark Lord Simon Cowell, it's all too easy to poke fun at the Geordie duo and mock their frothy Saturday night fun.
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But given a choice between the likes of Britain's Brightest or Sing If You Can, I'll take Takeaway every time.
They may not be anywhere near worthy of a title as 'the new Morecambe and Wise', but thankfully they're a cut above being 'the new Hale and Pace' or 'new Canon and Ball'. And if we are all being honest we should just really be grateful that they're not the current Keith Lemon.
Ant and Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway continues on Saturday nights on ITV
Speaking of that man Keith, Celebrity Juice returned for its ninth series and 100th episode on Thursday night. A truly gobsmacking feat for a show that is partly based on the premise that Holly Willoughby has a personality and more staggeringly on the idea that Keith Lemon has more than two jokes.
If you missed the celebrations on ITV2, here are the highlights:
Kelly Brook tonguing a prosthetic penis.
Jokes about Geri Halliwell being old.
A studio audience that screams when Lemon pretend honks a boob.
Bruno Tonioli covered in spaghetti.
An obligatory appearance from Rylan off X Factor.
Paddy McGuinness looking up Geri Halliwell's skirt.
I'm sure you'll all agree that another BAFTA awaits. Like Shooting Stars with every last drop of wit and irony drained away and replaced with cock and boob gags, this is one TV show success story that remains beyond my comprehension.
There must be something other than jokes about women's breasts, but I've yet to discover it.
Celebrity Juice airs on Thursdays on ITV2
The big TV debut of the week came from the Simon Cowell empire. The X Factor and Britain's Got Talent mogul is attempting to cash in on the Great British Bake Off bandwagon with his own bunting-covered cookery franchise Food Glorious Food.
At present the latest Cowell venture looks likely to join Grease Is The Word and Red Or Black in his list of TV turkeys.
Carol Vorderman brings an impressively coiffured haircut and little else as host. Quite why a presenter who's most famous credit is adding up basic sums for an audience of hungover students and snoozy pensioners was handed this primetime slot beggars belief. But then again Simon Cowell is the man who's been keeping Sinitta in work for the last 20 years.
The judges are all likeable, but utterly unremarkable. Loyd Grossman still has his memorable Lord Snooty drawl, but when the best you've got is a bloke who's spent the last ten years flogging mid-range pasta and curry sauces, you know you're in trouble.
My primary gripe with FGF, beyond the fact that it should clearly air at 2pm rather than 8pm primetime, is its total disregard for cookery. It proudly proclaims that this isn't a show looking for a great chef and sticks to its word, keeping food talk and actual cooking to a minimum and layering up sob stories and sentimentality instead.
A food show that goes easy on the food? I'll stick with Team Bake Off thanks.
Food Glorious Food continues on Wednesdays on ITV
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The Big Reunion - Hilarious, dark and a stark warning for members of One Direction, this ITV2 series is the surprise hit of 2013. Pop music has never looked so miserable. Also, can someone give Abz from 5ive his own show please - Still available on ITV Player
Louie - Louie CK's bleak and warped imagination takes a while to get used to, but let him into your life and I promise you that the world will become a better place - Still airing on FOX
Lightfields - Who doesn't need a good old fashioned haunted house mystery in their life? The follow-up to the successful Marchlands is well worth a watch as long as you don't spook too easily - Still available on ITV Player
