The Carters are in constant crisis on EastEnders at the minute, with collapsing ceilings, ailing animals, Sylvie's death, spiralling debt and that bloke out of Blue causing them no end of stress.
Walford's once-indestructible family are on their knees – and they need help. So thank the (land) lord above that Mick is on his way home, as Danny Dyer is finally back on set after his much-publicised break from the show.
He's going to have a lot on his plate when he returns to the Queen Vic, so we've compiled a quick and easy list for Mick to cast his mince pies over to bring him up to speed with what needs doing as soon as he's back. First things first…
1. Give Tracey her job back
This is essential. Trace's unceremonious sacking by Woody in tonight's episode is one of the most dramatic events in Walford since the bus crash. What are we saying, it's way more gripping than that!
Mick needs to sort this sitch out and do everything in his power to reinstate the pub's longest-serving barmaid pronto. Save Our Tracey! Where do we sign the petition?
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2. Have a word with Woody
So Mick's going to swagger through the pub doors laden with duty-free booze from Bulgaria (or whatever souvenirs one buys in Bulgaria) and be greeted by this tattooed geezer behind HIS bar serving pitchers of cocktails with saucy names. Lee Ryan has confirmed he'll get screen time with Danny Dyer so a showdown is imminent.
Don't get us wrong, we liked Woody (and Lee's performance has been a revelation, he's a natural. Who knew?!), but sacking Tracey is unforgivable, so Mick needs to put him in line. And he won't be happy about him seducing Tina and setting up Johnny with that stripper for a bet, either…
3. Sort out Shirley
Oh Shirl, what have you done? When Mick learns his muvvah forged his signature to sell the pub's freehold, he's gonna flip. She might have felt completely out of options and had the best intentions (and it did mean Lady Di's life was saved), but she's possibly just signed away the Carters' livelihood and assisted in the annihilation of Albert Square.
And there's someone else to blame for that who Mick needs a little rabbit with…
4. Tell Max to do one
Let's hope Shirl explains Max manipulated her in a moment of weakness into giving up the freehold, and Mick confronts Mr Branning demanding answers. Maybe this will finally put a rocket under Max's "mysterious plan to destroy the Square" storyline, which is so slow-burning it's in danger of fizzling out as we all lose interest.
And we're desperate for Max to go the full Paul Robinson/J.R. Ewing and take his place as Walford's resident sharp-suited baddie. Mick needs to ask Max what millions of viewers are wondering: "What exactly is your game, sunshine?"
5. Give Fi her marching orders
"Business consultant" Fi Browning wafted into Walford this week waffling on about boosting revenue and maximising profits as part of the company that now owns the Vic's freehold, but we don't trust this designer-coat-clad blonde brainbox. For a start she's quite posh, which always sets off alarm bells in EastEnders (be wary of anyone well-spoken: Dr May Wright, Stella Crawford, need we say more?), and she's clearly in league with Max and his murky masterplan with the world-conquering Weyland & Co, whoever they might be.
Mick needs to wrestle back control from Fi, but he's too much of a gent to get aggro with a lady. Maybe he could just sweet-talk her, using some chirpy cockney banter and his inherent charm, into leaving the Carters alone?
6. Give Lady Di a cuddle
Her brush with death beneath bits of soggy ceiling nearly did her in, and we're already welling up at the thought of Mick's reunion with his beloved bulldog.
She's probably the one who's missed her master the most – he'll be putting the lips on her the minute he's home.
7. Keep away from Whitney
While we've got your attention, Mick, can we just remind you NOT to start an affair with your daughter-in-law please? Before Nancy got knocked over, the two of them were getting dangerously close and even kissed.
We're hoping his time out of the country has made him forget all about this little flirtation. So control yourself, mate – we'll pretend that ill-advised smooch never happened and let Woody work his magic on Whit…
8. Tell Linda to hurry up
There's only one woman for Mick Carter, and she needs to come home too. Mick wants to get on the blower to Watford IMMEDIATELY and demand that L joins him as soon as is humanly possible once he's ensconced back in E20.
The Carters have been depleted for too long and we want them back on top – and that means Mick and Linda together.
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