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The Apprentice is back this week and we are so ready for a new batch of entrepreneurs spouting nonsense and selling rubbish. Now that this is the 11th series, though, we've spotted a few things that seem to keep happening:
1. A candidate says: "That was myself, Lord Sugar"
THE WORD IS 'ME'.
2. Narrator Mark Halliley finishes a long and winding sentence with a candidate's name
"Searching for fishfingers and goggles in a backstreet in London with time running out, project manager... Derek."
3. There's a helicopter shot of the city
What to Read Next
And the Shard still doesn't look finished.
4. Karren Brady complains about the candidates wasting a lot of time
She'll be bringing that up in the Boardroom.
5. Lord Sugar says "resoomay"
(Hoping and praying he doesn't ever say "CV".)
6. The candidates talk into the bottom of their phones
"Don't hold it that way!" as the late, great Steve Jobs once said.
7. Lord Sugar says: "Bloody shambles"
That's you told.
8. The candidates say 'Good Morning Lord Sugar' in unison like they're at school
Amen.
9. A team runs through the city holding a big crate of fish/sausages/some other food item
Ocado is banned.
10. A candidate at risk of getting fired offers to be the next project manager
Good luck, mate.
11. The candidate directing their advert thinks they're the next Steven Spielberg
"I always admired Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's mise-en-scène."
12. The fired candidate leaves wearing a lovely scarf
"It's multipurpose: to wipe glasses, use as a kitchen towel, or blot down my face when given the Hairdryer."
13. Lord Sugar tells a candidate to shut up
Just like he does to everyone on Twitter, all of the time.
14. "Lord Sugar will see you now"
Synchronised standing up would be a good fallback for them all.
15. Lord Sugar introduces a task in an unbelievably tenuous location
"We're at the Natural History Museum... so you're going to sell items at a dog fair... because, you know, bones."
16. Lord Sugar turns up at the house while the candidates are still in pyjamas
He's like Father Christmas but with putdowns instead of presents.
17. Lord Sugar fires someone "with regret"
Karren made me do it.
18. A subteam hangs up the phone and rolls their eyes
Yeah, you're gone, mate.
19. A candidate says "numbers are my strong suit" and then messes up the figures
I made my calculator say BOOBIES, what more do you want?
20. The losing team look gloomy with their polystyrene cups in the Bridge Cafe
Nothing in them, mind.
21. The winning team gets a treat that actually isn't all that pleasant
Ta, Lord Sugar.
The Apprentice returns today (October 6) at 9pm on BBC One.
