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Piers Morgan has launched a scathing attack on Tom Hiddleston in his latest column, saying that the actor can kiss the chance of playing James Bond goodbye.
Hiddleston was recently spotted sporting a white 'I love T.S.' vest while hanging out with Taylor Swift on a beach. A (presumably temporary) tattoo can also be seen on his right arm.
Morgan is having none of it, asking how he is supposed to take the actor seriously as the "manly" 007 now.
"I've been firmly in Camp Swift-Hiddleston since news first broke of their unlikely liaison three weeks ago," he wrote on MailOnline. "But even my faith in the purity of Cupid's bow is taking a bit of a dent this morning.
"I stared at these latest photos for several long minutes, soaking in the full horror of Mr Hiddleston's crime. Surely Britain's hottest thespian talent hadn't morphed into a fawning, lovestruck popstar fanboy?
"This, after all, is the man who wants to be the next James Bond, the most rugged, tough, manly movie icon of them all.
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"My trusting faith in the genuineness and innocence of Swift-Hiddleston crashed and burned."
Morgan then compared Hiddleston to Tom Cruise, who infamously declared his love for Katie Holmes while jumping on Oprah's sofa more than a decade ago.
"Cruise became an instant global laughing stock and has never recovered," Morgan commented. "Neither of course did the romance itself - Ms Holmes departing stage left a few years later from the hideous trainwreck of life as Mrs Cruise.
"Tom Hiddleston's T-shirt and tattoo are just as cringeworthy as Cruise's couch-hopping, and may prove to be similarly disastrous to his career... People from all corners of the globe were positively howling with derision.
"Tom, I'm a massive fan, but for the love of god, what are you doing? This is NOT how you win the Bond gig. This is how you destroy your chances faster than 007 electrocuted Oddjob in Goldfinger."
Morgan closed his piece by claiming that Hiddleston is not a "real man".
"No real man would indulge in such a stunt even if it was a joke, especially not one who has aspirations to be a macho movie star," he said.
"I now have to hope and pray Swift-Hiddleston really IS all some weird, elaborate hoax on the media and the unsuspecting public.
"The alternative explanation is unthinkable: the man who would be Bond is a gigantic, toe-curling, insufferably infatuated and sycophantic wuss with women."
